Grieving the Hero

"How can my need for companionship ever compare to her need, when her need is of such severity? She would tell me she couldn't possibly leave her side for if she did something terrible may happen. She may use drugs! She may drink alcohol! Or something even worse could occur..... If she left her side, what would it be for? To sit and talk.... to eat... to hang out & relax. What kind of a evening would that be for a hero? A need to me was nothing to her. I was not at the edge of relapse, nor was I at the edge of death. I was not afraid. I simply wanted company. But that's no call for a hero. It was only a call for love. And that was not enough."


Break Ups 
Sadness, Anger, Regret, & Obsessive thoughts are all natural components of the grieving process, but not knowing that can hook us back in.... back into unhealthy relationships. Due to deep sadness, or regret, or obsessive thoughts we re-consider, and try those crazy relationships again and again. 
It's understandable. We want connection. How bout instead of (re)connecting with someone unhealthy, we try something new? How bout (re)connecting with self? How bout allowing for feelings of sadness, of regret, of anger, and how bout having those obsessive thoughts? How bout practicing something new; learning to hold uncomfortable feelings? Moments of regret? Because by holding them, they eventually let go.... because the only other thing they can do other then hold on, is let go. And with that, they're gone. Released. It may take a few times, but aren't you worth it? (The answer is YES!) Eventually, as you go through the grieving steps, you reach the last step of the process - ACCEPTANCE. 
Acceptance for what is.
And in the meantime, while you're riding the emotional roller coaster, waiting to get to acceptance, you could practice new tools. One method that works super well for most is the stop sign technique - for example; for every obsessive thought that arises, imagine holding up your hand (like a stop sign) and powerfully using your amazing energy to send that thought away. 
Take time to nurture yourself - take baths, naps, sip teas, listen to music, walk in the woods, watch funny movies or other enjoyable, distracting shows. Most importantly, practice ALLOWANCE. Decide that however you are is okay. Trust yourself, know that this will pass. Allowing leads to letting go, which leads to freedom. And once you reach a place of freedom, you're ready to re-design your life. 
Give yourself plenty of time to heal and recover. Stay committed to your recovery. Practice acceptance & allowance. * Just like you would give acceptance & allowance to your best friend, give it to yourself. You are worth it!
Remember - Staying stuck keeps you stuck. Letting go and moving forward is recovery.
Breaking through this, or any challenge will lead to strength, new experience, confidence, and new life. You will become a strong, healthy, independent person.

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